The Butt Snuffer.....

Sunday night Jason's cat tried to kill me. To be technical, he tried to snuff me out...with his BIG BUTT. Hence, the title of this post "The Butt Snuffer" (not to be confused with a butt sniffer). I am not sure if I have talked about it on this blog or not, but the cat tries to sleep on/against my face about three times a week. He jumps on the bed, walks up to my chest and plops his 9lb body down....He always has to have some part of his body touching my face.... Sometimes he leans against me with his back, sometimes he pushes a paw into my cheek, sometimes he elbows me in the nose... Anything to be SUPER annoying at 3am. He NEVER does this to Jason. EVER.

Sunday night it started off the same... About 3am I felt someone (Mr. BADjangles) hop up on the end of the bed... And I felt him walk up my legs to my chest... And that is where the murder plan was set into action: instead of curling up and finding a nice little place to sleep, he got a centimeter from my face and sniffed my nose and mouth... After he was SURE he found EXACTLY where my only air supply comes in and out of he turned his big butt around and sat right on my face covering my breathing passages with 9lbs of furry cat-ness...

So yesterday when I got home from work, I told Mr. BADjangles dad about what had happened... The conversation went like this:

Me: Jason, I think the cat tried to kill me last night.

Jason: Probably... What did he do?

Me: He came up to me in the middle of the night, checked to see where I breathe out of, then plopped his furry butt down.

Jason: Yep. He tried to snuff you out.

So I googled "Is my cat trying to kill me?" You would be SHOCKED to see how many people think their cats are trying to kill them.... Apparently I am not alone. Also, I took a quiz entitled "Is Your Cat Plotting To Kill You?" It turns out there is a 91% change that Mr. Bojangles is trying to kill me. Just as I suspected...

Here is the perpetrator and the attempted-murder weapon...

I really need a companion... a partner... a protector...

I need a DOG and FAST....before it is too late.

<3 and Murder Attempts from Texas